Solipsism day.
I’m publishing one of my own, to celebrate my latest rejection letters. Hoorah! I rock because I keep on trying when the world says no.
It is a fairly fresh poem, so consider this an online workshop and tell me what you think.
Wabi-Sabi
by Helen Lehndorf
I was thirty-three before I learned
people stuck in snow
can die from dehydration
I would melt icicles
on my tongue for you, resist
the drinking down, drip it
into you. Then repeat, repeat
until my lips were raw.
Deep snow squeaks. We
stop on the Desert Road
because of the snow. You
throw snowballs at the
‘Warning: Army Training Area’ sign.
I take macro-photographs of
icicles on tussock.
When we drive up the Desert Road
we lose National Radio, we lose
cellphone reception, we lose
all hope. I was thirty-seven before
I considered not trying to always fix
things. I read an article in the New Yorker
about Wabi-Sabi – the beauty in the
broken and the worn. The integrity
of the much-used utilitarian object.
But then there was an
interview on National Radio
about a woman flying
to Mexico to be put in a coma
so she can wake up mended. “It is
like rebooting a computer,” said the doctor.
Despite Wabi-Sabi, I want that.
To live in snow and not be thirsty.
I want good reception all the way
up the country. I want a shiny, clean
version of myself. Closedown,
hibernate, restart.
oh, i really like this poem. especially the first part- melting snow in one’s mouth for someone else…
that’s beautiful.
*like*
I love the ideas in this! I think you should play with the line breaks some more.
I want a re-boot too!!! But yes, Wabi-Sabi is a great term
xoxox
Lovely. Really like it. If being picky, I would suggest you might not need to be so specific about ‘National Radio’, or at least not twice. The first stanza especially really got me. That’s love.
Collect up those rejection letters with pride. And remember how hard it was for some of the best books to be published at first – like Ulysses, Lolita, and, um, Harry Potter.
Some great ideas in this. Agree on the line breaks and the national radio comments. Would also like some hints on the identity of the other character – a lover? a child? the content hints at the latter, because an adult surely could melt their own snow?
Will be interested to see how you finally edit it.
Lovely! I especially like the “I would melt icicles..” bit and the whole wabi-sabi concept.
I like this a lot too. I thought there were too many snows in the second stanza; on the other hand, the repetition of “National Radio” didn’t bother me.
Rejection letters: free wallpaper! And remember, they all laughed at Jane Austen when she started including zombies in her novels…
Thanks for the workshop, folks. Most helpful!
Helen,
For solidarity and hilarity re: rejection letters check out this poem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=metTXHSj5D0
Hey, celebrate that you wrote something worth sending out – after all rejection can mean so many things.
I like the way you play with the idea of loss in this poem, and your lovely humility that it might not be perfect even though conceptually it’s brilliant.