I’ve been looking at the garden for the last six months, thinking how I should’ve really pulled some weeds so I could plant some more veges. I promised myself that I wouldn’t make my self feel guilty about things like that in such a busy year but I was a little sad that I wouldn’t be picking fresh veges from my plot.

Today I grabbed a few handfuls of chickweed out of the vege patch to feed the chooks and noticed as I got up close: lettuce, celery, carrots and in another corner broad beans!

These little seedlings are making their way despite the weeds, on their own accord; plants that had self-seeded from the previous crops. I just need to do some minimal weeding and they’ll take off. The prognosis wasn’t as bad as I had imagined.

When I first started my MA this year I was worried – would I be able to keep up with the workload, would I get writer’s block, would I remember anything, would my brain still work, would all the bright young things leave me in their dust?

I’m sure all mothers experience a similar mix of these anxieties when they return to work after a period of time away with children.

What I discovered was I had 8 years worth of ideas that had been germinating in the dark recesses of my brain, which only needed the slightest stimulation to take off (and that motherhood gives you an amazing stamina!)

I’m slowly starting to realize that it’s okay to let your land / mind lay fallow for a while, in fact, it may even be beneficial – not stripping all the nutrients from extensively working your plot.

I’m sure I won’t be able to (and don’t want to) wait another 8 years before the next intensive work effort but I will be less anxious about the wait, happier to see it as part of the process in the future and able to trust that a few self-sown seeds will make their own way to the light.

Latest in the leaf journal – fox page by HL, lady writer by HH.

It’s funny, I didn’t notice the fur connection until after it was done. Ideas have been racing around like a skulk of foxes lately and words are getting bashed out on the keyboard. Happily.

I’m excited, just posted back the leaf journal today, will hold back from posting a pic until HL gets it, so nice to be mucking around with glue and paper again. Also been updating the other blog and re-did the banner, what do you think?  I’m catching up on my reading this week, it involves a lot of sitting by the fire with cups of tea

Here’s some gratuitous eye candy to hold you over:

Late last year Helen Show Your Workings did some hand printing of cloth and she sent me a wonderful sampler of what she’d been up to. I’ve used every last scrap in different projects – brooches, bunny ears, but here is one that I wear most days – a brown floral tunic I sewed recently – Helen’s contribution to this collaboration in cloth is the wonderful right hand pocket.

There is more than one way for long-distance artist friends to work together.

I’ve kept journals faithfully since I was about 20. When I finish one, I toss it into a huge box ‘with the others’.

Recently, I decided to embark on what I call ‘The Journal Project’. I’m working on a poetry book and wanted to generate a whole lot of new material, so that only my very best stuff will end up in the book. I see a lot of poetry books published with what I call ‘filler’ poems – the poems that are ‘meh’, that are ‘ok’, that have one or two nice lines but aren’t that great as a whole. Because I’m a virgo, a control freak, a perfectionist…I want to produce a book full of the very best poems I am capable of writing. I have plenty of ‘filler’ poems – but I don’t want to use them in the manuscript.

I know – pretty high standards for myself…and it means a couple of things – firstly, I can keep stringing out this book writing thing because ‘it’s not there yet, not yet’ and secondly, probably my very best writing is some amazingly talented poet’s ‘filler’.

Anyway, I thought a good way to generate some new material might be to read through my old journals – see if there are the seeds of poems there, or if just revisiting my younger selves triggers memories etc. So I got the journals out (there are 32) put them in chronological order and started at the beginning – the university years.

It’s kinda painful really. Not dark painful, but squirmy and embarrased painful. There is all that insecure, angsty stuff of one’s early 20s. But it’s good, illuminating – and it is resulting in new poems and other writings, not to mention a whole lot of reflection on my life – which can’t be a bad thing, right?

I’ve gotten as far as my OE to England. I’m looking forward to getting into my child-having years, because then I might actually recognize the person writing as myself. At the moment the breathless young thing scrawling excitedly about music and boys and feminism seems like someone I vaguely knew once, very long ago.

One things for sure – I’ve come a long way, baby. And I can say with some certainty that apart from perhaps my flawless, unwrinkly skin and thinner butt, I would not go back to those early 20-something years for anything.

I like the ‘me’ of today much more.

I was thinking the other day how readers of our very erratic, but hopefully interesting blog, might assume that Helen and I are close friends.

Well, we are certainly friends – there is a genuine affection between us, we regularly send each other thoughtful and generous gifts, supportive emails and we share thoughts and ideas on our writing…

…but we have only met once, for about five minutes. We were both stall-holding at a Craft 2.0 market, so although excited to finally meet one another – the day was so chaotic and busy that we met, hugged and fizzed over one another for a few minutes…then later there were quick visits to one another’s stalls and that was it.

There is so much I don’t know about Helen, nor she about me. I don’t know stuff that friends know about one another, like where she met her husband, how long they’ve been together, what she studied at university. I don’t know her favourite colour or what she is likely to order at a cafe. I don’t know if she likes sushi or coloured stockings, like I do.

Yet, I do know her – I know what she thinks about motherhood, I know her tastes in poetry, I know a little of what she loves.

Ours is a very 21st century friendship, I think. We ‘met’ online – I actually forget how or where exactly now (can you remember, Helen?) We quickly became friends via email and blog comments, quite soon after meeting we had engaged in this project together.

I love the internet for how these connections can be made – I have made many friends through the internet now – some have been brief flirtations, others have evolved into deep and lasting ‘in real life’ friendships.

I know Helen and I will continue to get to know each other over time, and one day I hope to know her well enough to be able to give her order to the barista if I’m waiting for her at a cafe – in the meantime, her ongoing presence in my email in box and letter box is a wonderful addition to my life.

New in the Leaf Journal:

Inspired by HH’s cake tour of Melbourne – I made this image.

The text (from a vintage childrens’ book) says: ‘She bought some honey and rose leaf meringues and two loaves of violet petal bread.’

HH responded with the above collage. (We are big on the cake theme!)

The text says:
Atomic Housewife – so easily satisfied.

‘The year 2000 used to seem so far ahead into the future – we would all be eating pills for dinner and driving spaceships – but already it is slipping into the past.’

New in the Daler Journal:

I made this one, last year. The text says:

‘If you can raise your eyes up from time to time and take in the horizon you will remember that there is and wild and lovely world beyond the parametres of your small and dusty brain, your stale thoughts.

Look into this.’

To which HH responded with her experiences playing around with Keri Smith’slatest art exploration books:

‘Poking holes into this page using a pencil – frees me up!’

and

on Keri Smith’s manifesto ‘How To Be An Explorer of the World’ Helen says:

‘(a colour photocopied page) from my new personal journal. Addicted. Doodles are good & idea 23 ‘Document shapes made by water’. Try this!

******

It’s been rather a long time since I updated the journal project on here. Sorry about that! These pages were actually made late last year, early this year….somehow now it is March.

I have been very busy back inside that aforementioned dusty brain. However, it’s bright and fresh out here in the world – & it’s nice to be back.

(Cross-posted to Show your workings)

Please write a one-page biographical prose note on yourself observing the following rules:

- the narrator of the note should be someone other than yourself (i.e. a family member, partner, friend, enemy etc)

- the note should contain three facts that are true and one fact that is false.

Wellington Education Board

——–

Dyer Street School

1980

REPORT on Helen Heath

S.3 (age 10)

Language (including speaking, listening, writing and skills such as spelling and handwriting)

Oral: Speaks clearly and confidently. Always willing to offer ideas. Interesting.

Written: Writes original and enjoyable stories and poems. Some good ideas. Work shows promise of greater development.

Spelling: Is making good progress. Mistakes usually made through carelessness.

Reading: Shows maturity in selection of reading material. Enjoys reading for own enjoyment and to find information. Good comprehension. Continue wide and varied reading to improve standard.

Arithmetic

Quick to comprehend; speed and accuracy are excellent. Good progress has been made. Understands most processes and tables work has greatly improved.

Social Studies, Nature Study and Science

Is becoming an independent worker, wide general knowledge, research and study skills are of a high standard, has produced some good work.

Cultural and Creative Activities (including music, drama, art and crafts, needlework, cookery, woodwork.)

Takes part enthusiastically in all activities, always keen to participate.

Physical Activities

Takes part enthusiastically. Enjoys P.E and is well co-ordinated.

Personal, Social and General

A conscientious and responsive pupil who has made good progress, has the ability to work well and has proved it this year.

Helen is a very pleasant class member. She is a very likeable girl who has ability in many areas. She is a quiet girl on the whole who gets on with her work.

Helen takes great pride in anything she does. She is extremely reliable. If she commits herself to something she will stick at it.

Two areas of the school programme Helen has become very involved in are music and cross country running, playing trumpet in the school orchestra and representing the school running.

Good luck for 1981!

Mrs Cook

I’ve been accepted into the the MA in creative writing at the IIML. That means a year to devote to writing. I’m so happy I’m shaking all over!